Notes on NFP, Note 1

I'm always amused to find myself in the middle of NFP "moments" more often than not these days. I'm not sure if it's because my ears are more in tune now that I somehow fell into managing an NFP blog (which I still don't know how happened ; ), or because my life and friends are in our child bearing season, or if it is God gently nudging them my way...I'm sure all of the above. At any rate...I've been mulling over these conversations and circumstances for a time and I thought I would share them with you, as they seemed to stick with me.

At a Funeral...
"Thank you Grandpa for being open to life, because my dad was number 10." that excerpt came from my sister Anna who wrote a tribute to my grandfather, at his funeral. He was 97. Present at the funeral were all 13 children about 60 out of 65 grandchildren and then many great grandchildren (64 I believe).

That line in her testimony rang in my ears. My gosh, if he stopped at 5 or 8 my dad would not be here! I would not be here, nore would my children and eventually their children. Half the people in this picture would not even exist. Just the magnitude of one life and the generations of people that come from one person! This is one couple being open as to what God wanted out of their life.

                                               (This was taken at their 65th wedding anniversary)

My grandparents house was small,a ranch house with 3 bedrooms and 1 1/2 baths. They never owned many material possessions, and all their children had to earn their own way into college. They lived a simple life that was full to the brim! And he died surrounded by multitudes of people who loved him.

Hanging Family Pictures...
I come from a long line of fertility, you might say, "Fertile Myrtyls". I'm from a family of 11, my dad is one of 13, my mom is one of 10, her mom is one of 13, and so on....
I wanted to find some pictures of my grandparents to hang in my house and tell their stories to my children. I found these pictures from my mom's side of the family. They are of my great grandmother Neoma and grandmother Margaret.

     (my great grandmother is fifth from right, Neoma. She went on to have 13 children,   pictured below, and 97 grandchildren. Below, are 12 of her 13 and my grandma is 6th in line from right.)

(my grandparents on my mom's side...did they know here that they would go on to have 10 children?)

I stared at these pictures for a long time. Take one or two or five children out of that line up and there are dozens and hundreds of lives that would not have come into existence.

What I'm not saying, is that in order to be open to life, you must have at least 10 children.  Being open to life should never mean a certain number, but it does mean being open to what God wants, as many as HE wants and not so much what you want.

There is this one passage of scripture that I always go back to..."And he sat down opposite the treasury, and watched the multitude putting money into the treasury. Many rich people put in large sums And a poor widow came, and put in two copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him, and said to them, "Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the treasury. For they all contributed out of their abundance; but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, her whole livelihood." Mark 12:41-44

and especially this one:
"For whoever would save his life will lose it; and whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it." Mark 3:35

Good grief, those are some hard sayings, but I have watched my own parents and grandparents live by those passages. They gave their whole livelihood in being open to life. I think at the heart of nfp, this is what God is asking of us. The sizes and shapes and spaces between each family will look different, but deep inside it is meant to look the same. That whatever our family size ends up being, even if God sends us infertility, it is not about a specific number, rather, it is about giving and what being open to life is doing to our souls. It is ultimately a surrender of our will to his, our LIFE for others. 

 I think of livelihood as those things that you enjoy: eating food when it's hot, getting a full night's sleep without being awaken or sleeping in, traveling abroad, getting away for a weekend, concerts, going places alone, I could think of a million. All these things are good things in themselves and by no means, bad, but good in healthy doses I guess, but we willingly give them up at times for the sake of someone else, a little soul.

As I looked at these pictures, I couldn't help, but think of the sacrifice my great grandparents, grandparents, and parents went through by being obedient to God. Because of their yes, their trust, and their very lives, I am here. I believe what my great grandparents and grandparents and parents did was RADICAL. It is so completely counter-cultural and against the norm, and it cost them everything, but I believe it's right because it is life focused on eternity.

Jillian Michael's Workout DVD: "In order to change, you have to get uncomfortable."

Her quote holds a great deal of truth. It applies physically and spiritually. How ready are we to put our bodies through intense physical and rigorous workouts to maintain good health or to look good? And yet, we have to do the same for our souls, be ready and willing to GET UNCOMFORTABLE if we want to change and become the best version of ourselves

(Sidenote: Ha, I didn't really pay any attention to her until I read that lent post and then got inspired to order "No More Trouble Zones" dvd. I can't say I'm a big fan of her "kick some butt" attitude,I personally find that annoying, but she is a really good motivator and the dvds are making me sweat!)

I'm pretty sure having a baby is, in its very essence, the most uncomfortable thing I will ever do in this life, for a whole host of reasons :), but it is the most rewarding. Sometimes, I have to remember, "With great sacrifice comes great love, and with great love, comes great sacrifice." JPII

But maybe, more importantly, being open to life can open our souls, stretch our hearts, and changes us into the women we were created to be.

On Being Happy

Thanks to my great friend Kristi, I learned about this book EVERY mom should read. 

The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose, and Sanity by Dr. Meg Meeker. She is a Catholic Pediatrician and Mother.


I read the Introduction and was hooked:

As a Pediatrician of twenty-five years and a mother for twenty-six, I have listened to a whole lot of mothers. And I think that I have come to understand some fundamental truths about us. At least, some things that I think are true. First, we are a group that wants desperately to be good at what we do. We want to be good to our friends and husbands and we want to be great to our kids. We love intensely and we work hard. But we have a problem. In the past fifty years, we have been given an overwhelming number of opportunities. We can be whoever we want to be and our hard work will usually be rewarded. This is good. But in the midst of the onslaught of opportunity in our lives, we have become confused, and some of us have been a bit obsessed. We stress over  how well we are parenting and if we are taking full advantage of other opportunities. We wonder if we should work outside the home (of course, some of us don't wonder, because we have to). Others wonder whether we are working too much or too little. And there is so much more. We worry about whether our kids are giving enough opportunities, whether their friends like them, or whether they are being bullied at school or at day care. But mostly, we worry about what we can do for our kids in order to make their lives better. We do this because we really want to be good at mothering. We want to get it right, just as we want to get our jobs right.

       This need - to get parenting right - has become an obsession for many of us. It consumes our thinking, our energy, and our time. let me be clear: Striving to be a great mom is a  noble goal, and as a pediatrician, i applaud those who choose it. But that;s not what I'm referring to. I'm talking about a full blown obsession with getting mothering right. And it is taking many of us down.
Over twenty-five years I have seen us move from worrying about which school to send a daughter to to which band to hire for her high school graduation  party. I see mothers work two jobs in order to afford piano lessons for Susie and guitar lessons for Mike. I have watched mothers scream at teachers who gave their kids C o a paper when just a short time ago, we would have let that child rewrite his paper to get a better grade or told him to work harder on the next  paper. W are tired. we never feel that we're doing a good enough job at almost anything we do; not because we;re not good at things, but because we are trying to do too much, too well. We have become competitors. We have learned over the past twenty-five years to compete with ourselves. the problem is, none of us feels as though we're winning.

       In short, we've gone off the deep end. Don't take this personally; we're all in the same boat. Employed, at home, adoptive, biologic, wealthy, poor, young,and older mothers - we're all in this together. We have arrived at a similar place. So, we have a lot of company in one another. That's the good news.

       Here's the rest of the good news. We can make some simple changes that will bring us back from the edge (or pull us back on top of the cliff if we've fallen of completely) and brings some fun and sanity into our lives. We can love being moms again. We can sit. We can laugh with our kids. We can stop running around, acting like crazy people. We can love life and enjoy our wonderful kids. In the  following pages, you w ill find real mothers whose lives illustrate our collective plight, and you will find many mothers who have moved over to the positive side. They are getting this mothering thing right. No, they aren't better mothers, but they are enjoying being mothers more. This is not a book about being a better mother, because there are plenty of books on that. This is a book for you, and only you, to help you become a happier mother.

      Freeing ourselves from some of the craziness that we have adopted means changing some habits. This is hard, but we can do it because we are mothers and doing hard things is what we are good at. If we can endure pushing an eight-pound watermelon through an eight-inch opening we can do just about anything that we put our minds  to. Anything.



I'm almost done with it and I've really appreciated both it's practicality and the common sense wisdom it offers.

So if you aren't doing anything this Lent or if you are...take 10 minutes a day (in place of facebook or tv time ;) and start BEING happier!

oh..and she has also written several other great books such as:

Thank you Women...

"One thing is certain: When the time has come, nothing which is man-made will subsist. One day, all human accomplishments will be reduced to a pile of ashes. But every single child to whom a woman has given birth will live forever, for he has been given an immortal soul made to God's image and likeness."
- Alice von Hidebrand, The Privilege of Being a Women

Thinking about all those marching for life today in D.C. and offering my day for the unborn. (hhmm...maybe that's why I got hit with a killer sore throat...a meager suffering to offer for life).

In the news lately...is this outrageous law being imposed by the goverment regarding birth control:Read Here.

On a more positive note, was THIS ARTICLE, all over facebook from the National Catholic Register, "To The Mom Caring for Only One Child". It's a great perspective and source of encouragement.

And good heavens...ALL or ANY of these posts on being a wife and mother.

Darkest Time of Parenting...

This article is a GOOD ONE! Ever heard the phrase "the tunnel of parenthood"? One More Soul recently posted on the perceptions of parenting and why so many choose to sterilize after two kids because of the sometimes brutal physical demands of parenting... and it hits the nail on the head! Short and sweet read - please take a peak at this article.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!