NFP Women: Meet Jacque

So thrilled to have my cousin Jacque on the blog this month! She was always a big older cousin I looked up to when I was little. I'll never EVER forget when she got my sister and I our first Barbie Doll that came with 20 different earrings you could put on her. Anyways....I've always admired her and am so honored she was willing to share her story.

Michael and Jacque are both 34. Michael grew up in Franklin, TN and Jacque grew up in Northern Kentucky, they currently live in Charlotte, NC. with their 3 children here on earth: Lucy (5), Emilia (3), and Christian (18 months) and also have 2 babies in heaven. They have been married for 6 years. 

When did you first hear about the Church’s teachings on NFP and contraception? Did you always know about it or was there a time that you heard about it for the first time?

Michael and I met a year after college and I was doing some soul searching. I was hungry to know more about my faith. I grew up in a strong Catholic home, but like many college students there was a time that I wasn’t living my faith properly. I started reading everything I could get my hands on—and loved it. I was definitely discovering a new level of my faith and Michael was very supportive. That’s when I knew there was something different about this man. It was during that time I read things about NFP and the beauty of living it in your marriage. When I realized things were getting serious with Michael, I figured it was time to broach the subject. I was pretty nervous as there were only two outcomes…he would consider it or RUN. I’m so glad he didn’t run. What I had learned seemed so beautiful to me and made perfect sense, but this was all new to him. Before bringing it up to Michael, I had to educate myself on all that it entailed so I could explain it…well, rather delicately. That was a TOUGH day for us (there were tears on both sides!). Thank goodness we can laugh about it now, but I’ll never forget the conversation. He automatically started having images of babies running everywhere and me driving a 15 passenger van (which, by the way, I think are very cool!). We worked through some of our fears and worries and were engaged a few months later. We also signed up for a class during our engagement which was helpful. My constant prayer is asking God to guide us and protect us in our marriage. If he wanted us to live marital love to its fullest then he was going to have to pave the way.

Likewise, was there a moment when you decided that you would use NFP in your marriage or was it just understood that that is what you would do?

Once I knew the Church’s teachings on NFP I knew there was no turning back. If I truly believe that my life’s goal is to help get my husband, children, and myself to heaven, then how could I do something that would cause us both to sin repeatedly in our marriage?

Pope John Paul II said that contraception “is to be judged so profoundly unlawful as never to be, for any reason, justified. To think or to say the contrary is equal to maintaining that in human life, situations may arise in which it is lawful not to recognize God as God” (address Oct. 10, 1983).

There’s also the health standpoint as well. Once I read all of the harmful effects that the pill can do your body, I knew it wasn’t for me. I get paranoid taking aspirin! So a pill that is linked to depression, mood swings, blood clots and breast cancer definitely wasn’t for me.

Did you have any fears about using NFP? If so, what were they?

Not at the beginning of our marriage. As silly as it sounds, you don’t know what you don’t know. So, when we took the classes it seemed pretty effective and easy (effective: yes , but easy: I was just a tad naive). Anyone that practices NFP knows that there are challenges and it’s no easy trail.

How has using NFP positively influenced your marriage?

In so many ways! It’s amazing the conversations that arise from, "Where are you with your charting?” There are looooong conversations that follow and then there are the brief, aggravated ones, too. So often I can see God’s hand at work in our marriage. Teaching us patience, sacrifice, and true marital love in more many ways than if I was contracepting.

I love that I’m married to a man who loves every bit of me, including my fertility. His love has no boundaries. When we made our wedding vows to love, honor, and cherish each other- we meant it. Not that we want to have a baby on our mind at all times, but we can’t just shove my fertility in a drawer because it’s a big part of who I am.

If we were contracepting I would feel some sort of unspoken words like, "I love you with all of my heart. Well, except that little thing called your fertility...the part of you that God so graciously gave to us. I don't really love that part. So let's get rid of it, suppress it, and put a mask on it...whatever it takes because I'm not in love with that part of you....unless of course when I AM ready."

What has been the greatest challenge?

Wow, how honest should I be here? The abstinence part is tough (like, real tough at times) and being spontaneous is rare. Also, like a lot of women, it is often times difficult to chart. This is just another area where God is asking me to surrender my fears and trust Him. Trust in His plan for our family and His plan for our future. He never disappoints. His plan is perfect. He doesn’t promise the road will be easy, but it will be worth it.

I’d add that hooking up with a good NFP instructor is key, too. I have to drive an hour each way (with all three kids) to see mine, but it is worth it. She’s wonderful and spends however much time I need answering questions and helping me feel confident in charting.  

What would you say to a couple who is considering using NFP rather than artificial forms of birth control?

I would say give your marriage a chance to love each other WHOLY and completely. Take it one day at a time. Will it be easy? No. Trust God will meet you where you are…He will give you the graces to make it work. He’s waiting for your“yes.”

From a health standpoint, it’s unbelievably awesome! NFP IS for everyone. I can only speak from experience using the Creighton method, but they specialize in women with irregular cycles (long, short, menopausal, low progesterone, and infertility!) I think it’s amazing that by charting you can diagnose and treat many gynecological disorders. Many times the pill is prescribed to “solve”a woman’s issue, but sadly it’s a mask that will only create other problems.

And then there’s the abortifacient aspect in regards to the pill. Scientist and doctors are starting to change the definition of pregnancy. Isn’t that crazy? They seek to define pregnancy as beginning with implantation and not fertilization, but implantation occurs 7-8 days AFTER a new person has come into existence…after all of the DNA and genetic make-up of that person is formed. The levels of hormones in some pills make it impossible for implantation to occur meaning there was a baby (but to them they are just a mass of cells, so you can see the slippery slope).

 How do you handle the topic with family and friends? Is it ever an issue? How do you handle criticism about the Church’s teachings?

It’s tough when you know that close friends or family are contracepting, especially Catholic ones. I care so much about them and their marriage. I know the beauty it can bring to a family. However, I don’t criticize their decision. My only hope is that our children will see our example and follow suit.

On the flip side, I am so blessed with an amazing support group. I have wonderful friends and sisters that use NFP. Nothing is TMI because sometimes it really helps knowing that they are going through the same difficulties. I can even see God working in those relationships, too. Last weekend some of my girlfriends and I went to dinner and the 3 hour conversation was….you guessed it- about NFP. J I don’t know what I would do without them. Truly, God put them in my life for a very special reason. I think it is also comforting to Michael knowing we are not alone in our journey.

Could you share a happy moment or memory that you have of your children?

We keep things lively in our home. Smiles are abundant and silliness required. My children keep me laughing throughout the day. Here’s a funny nfp moment. I keep my chart on our bathroom counter. My kids always want to play with the stamps and write on it. I tell them it’s off limits and it’s a chart to help mommy stay healthy. As they get older I’m going to have to put it up- I doubt they want to see all the deets on their mom’s fertility. Anyway, I’m not sure about the other methods, but when you‘re fertile in the Creighton method you put a baby stamp on that day. My little one, Lucy, saw my chart and said,“Mommy, what are all these baby stamps? You have one in every square!” hahah. Like I said, it’s sometimes tough for me to figure out! J

NFP Women: Meet Grace

                Grace grew up in New Mexico and Simon in Kansas; we live in St. Louis now. Simon and Grace are 28, and were married in Auguest 2009. Their two children are: Julia, 16 months, and Sebastian, 3 months.

When did you first hear about the Church’s teachings on NFP and contraception? Did you always know about it or was there a time that you heard about it for the first time?

Simon and I are both fortunate to have parents that practiced NFP so we were always aware of the Catholic Church’s teaching on contraception. I became more aware of NFP in college at Franciscan.

Likewise, was there a moment when you decided that you would use NFP in your marriage or was it just understood that that is what you would do?

Simon and I dated long distance for several months and talked about NFP almost immediately. We both understood and agreed that we would practice NFP.

Did you have any fears about using NFP? If so, what were they?

Initially, I was pretty confused by the whole charting process when we started taking the classes. Now, I am one of the few that actually really enjoys charting. I like seeing the patterns that occur each month and being able to anticipate potential mood swings and prepare myself and poor Simon for the impending hormone storm. We have been lucky enough to not be scared or overwhelmed at the thought of a pregnancy at any point in our marriage (that is not to say the day won’t come!).

How has using NFP positively influenced your marriage?

NFP forces us to be in a constant state of communication about a myriad of issues. From important and meaningful conversations about openness to the possibility of another child to little exchanges about cycle patterns, It has helped us to view our marriage and fertility as a partnership.

What has been the greatest challenge?

When we were first married it took us a few months to get pregnant. It seemed like the entire world got pregnant on their honeymoon and I was frustrated that I wasn’t able to get pregnant as easily. It was difficult to trust God’s will for our lives. Simon did a phenomenal job of reminding me that as much as NFP is about openness to children, it is also about openness to God’s will, even if that meant not giving us a child immediately.  When I was (“finally” – ha) pregnant with Julia after five months of marriage, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer shortly thereafter. The timing of her conception turned out to be such a blessing as my doctor found the cancer at my initial OB visit and I was able to have surgery in my second trimester.  If I had gotten pregnant right away, the cancer nodule may have been too small to have been detected and we may have discovered the cancer after it has spread quite a bit more.

What would you say to a couple who is considering using NFP rather than artificial forms of birth control?

I wish our society viewed fertility as a gift and not a burden. I know that taking birth control, getting an IUD etc is so much easier and more convenient than charting, but our reproductive systems are so complex and unique to each individual and charting is a ‘one size fits all’ approach while not all types of contraception will work for every woman. By understanding and working with our cycles naturally we don’t put ourselves at risk for any harmful or unpleasant side effects.  While many couples will conceive easily and quickly, there are many that won’t and infertility causes can be much more easily diagnosed when charting. Understandably, there are so many misconceptions about NFP and it can be daunting thinking about having to constantly discern adding another child to a family but the fruits of communication in marriage and understanding the wife’s cycle (read: hormones!) are abundant.

How do you handle the topic with family and friends? Is it ever an issue? How do you handle criticism about the Church’s teachings?

I’m guilty of not broaching the subject with many people unfamiliar with NFP or who are unaware that we practice NFP. A lot of people ask if we’re done having kids or if pregnancies were planned and I know I should take that opportunity to let them know we practice NFP if the situation lends itself to any sort of conversation.  With the recent HHS mandate at the forefront of many people’s thoughts, hopefully we’ll be able to clearly explain why we believe what we do about contraception and break down any myths or stereotypes about NFP.

Could you share a happy moment/memory that you have of your children? As well as funny story or incident that was difficult? 

Ever since Sebastian was born, Julia has all but ignored him completely. She occasionally lifts her blind eyes moratorium to hit or pinch him but this morning she miraculously smiled at him and he smiled right back which she seemed to think was hilarious. It gave me a little exciting glimpse into the future of their hopeful friendship.

Thank you Grace!! Grace was a friend of mine in college and she was always fun to hang out with...she has a witty and humorous view on life and blogs about it here.

Meet Melissa

Melissa was my college roomate. She has a contatgious laugh and was always in a good mood. She married this awesome guy named Peter, who comes from an amazing family. I love this couple dearly! She has four stunningly beautiful children, 3 boys and 1 girl.

Tell us about yourself:

Melissa Hickson (30),  Peter Hickson (30), kiddo’s- Sean (5 ½), Grace (4 ½), Aidan (3), and Thomas (1 ½).  We have been married 6 ½ years. I grew up in Naperville, Ill which is a suburb of Chicago and Peter grew up in Marshall, Virginia (Near DC).  We now live in New Bern, North Carolina because Peter is stationed at the Cherry Point Marine Air Base.

When did you first hear about the Church’s teachings on NFP and contraception? Did you always know about it or was there a time that you heard about it for the first time?

Well we both grew up knowing that contraception was wrong and knew the alternative was NFP but didn’t quite know what it was until college.

Likewise, was there a moment when you decided that you would use NFP in your marriage or was it just understood that that is what you would do?

It was never a question that we would be open to life in our marriage, we both went into our marriage knowing we would never use contraception.   We were so excited to start our family.  So excited in fact that when I had my first period right after we were married I got worried thinking I was never going to be able to get pregnant…. Little did I know;)

Did you have any fears about using NFP? If so, what were they?

Well we didn’t really use NFP with Sean and Grace because we didn’t feel it was necessary.  After Grace I wanted a bit of a break. I have pretty miserable pregnancies (I am sick for 5 months, throwing up at any strange smell or if I don’t have something in my stomach and I also have this extra silivia problem. It is a pretty rare symptom in pregnant woman, I always have to have something to spit in or mints that help me not to gag the extra siliva down.  Needless to say I just needed to feel “normal” for a bit.  So we began doing NFP for a couple of months when Grace was about 6 mths old.  It didn’t last long during that period because I just couldn’t justify wanting to wait  and I couldn’t wait for another little one! However, Peter and I were always open to whatever the Lord had in store for us.  I just always wanted to be happy if I got pregnant so our mind set was (and still is) we would like a little break but if God blesses us even in our desire to control  we would always put our trust in his plans and not ours.  Sometimes I do get a bit scared thinking of how many kids we could possibly have…  But again God is in control and I know he won’t give me more than I can handle.

How has using NFP positively influenced your marriage?

Yes in many ways.  One of the ways that is has really helped our marriage in communication.  I just feel like it has helped us to understand each other better and for Peter to understand woman in general more.

What has been the greatest challenge?

The biggest challenge for  us is just being able to trust and to surrendering to God’s will and not ours.  (Peter never worries but I do especially when he is about to deploy and worrying about taking care of the other littles ones while having morning sickness…)

How do you handle the topic with family and friends? Is it ever an issue? How do you handle criticism about the Church’s teachings?

All of our good family and friends know that we don’t use birth control but they all are very respectful and supportive.  They always joke about it. Like when are you guys going to buy a “church van”.  We just laugh and try to show that having many children is not a burden but a blessing.  Sometimes it can be hard with people we aren’t very close to or random strangers that make their comments when I have all four kids in tow.  But then I look at all their cute faces and think if they just could get to know each one of my kiddos they would think differently.

Could you share a happy moment or memory that you have of your children? As well as funny story or incident that was difficult?

Oh my gosh just one?! Ok well a positive one just happened recently.  I had all the kids with me at walmart.  The kids go with me everywhere so they are pretty good in the store.  Anyways, we were checking out and I really wasn’t paying attention to anyone around me, I was just focusing on paying and leaving the store.  Well apparently the cashier next to us thought my kids were just so well behaved and just could not believe it… She kept going on and on saying all of these really nice things about the kids.  It was so nice of her  and it made me feel like some of my parenting/disciplining was paying off. (I was used to them cooperating with me for the most part in stores because they have been so used to just being with me …).  So she whispered to me “can they have a piece of candy?” I was like “oh sure.“ Well she pulled out her wallet and let them pick out a big pack of candy each.  I just thought that was so generous of her (even though I didn’t want my kids to have a whole bag of m and m’s.., it was so kind of her) Anyways, it was good reward for the kids and a good lesson for them as well.  That good behavior pays off and that a stranger noticed their good behavior and mommy was very proud of them!

The hardest part of having lots of little ones is when they all get the flu and then in turn I get the flu… Last winter there was this weird flu going around where they would have a series of throwing up for like an hour and then be fine for two days and then throw up a few times a couple days later… well they ALL got it and they ALL got 3 rounds of it!!! Cleaning up throw up is aweful especially when it is all stuck in the carpet and so random! Gosh, that is never fun. 

Thanks Melissa! Please keep her and her family in your prayers, as her husband Peter is currently deployed!

Kristi's Thoughts...

I really wanted to share this recent post from my good friend Kristi. She always has incredibly beautiful reflections that challenge me spiritually.  Check out Kristi's blog here.

"I remember so clearly that last summer at this time I was in a crazy panic because soon I would be having another baby. Gabriel took up all my time and left me no time for anything else. I was exhausted and could not even begin to comprehend how I would stretch myself to love one more person. Since I was induced with Anthony and knew when I would be leaving Gabriel behind to welcome another soul into the world, I think I rocked Gabriel that night longer than I ever had. He fell asleep in my arms and after laying him in his crib I sat next to it and cried, scared at what the future held. I prayed that God would give me the grace to multiply my love much like His love can do for all of us. When Anthony arrived, it was so. I was still able to spend time with both of them. They continued to tag team me with naps, be occupied when the other needed something, and almost instantly fell in love with one another. It was so beautiful.

As I was walking them home yesterday from the pool in our totally awesome double stroller, Gabriel was chanting, "Chunky Monkey" over and over while Anthony kept busting out laughing with this amazing giggle. I realized in that moment, that not only did God give me the grace to continue to love Gabriel just as much, but now Gabriel has a brother who adores him, loves him, and gives him his full attention as well. He was blessed with his sibling. It's an amazing gift and grace to have a sibling.

I was asked again today how many children I want. I am always so stuck with the answer to that. If I told you how many I want, you may think I am a crazy person. But, God may never give me any more either. Each moment in God's will is so different. His will for me one day, one week, one month, or in one certain year may be totally different than the next. I honestly can never see myself saying, "Alright, that's it. I don't want anymore." (That's the beauty NFP has given my heart as well). There is an openness to allow God's love to act and it's so freeing. So, I am not sure, still, how many children I want. I just know I desire them. And I especially desire them in those moments of grace when God shows me what a gift my children are, not only to me, but to one another. It is impossible for the love to remain the same. It multiplies over and over again. I just love it." 

- By Kristi

Meet Danielle: New Monthly Feature - NFP Women

We are Paul (29) and Danielle (28) Klinker and we have 3 girls; Rose (4.5), Ava (3), Madeline (22 mo) and baby girl #4 on the way. Paul and I have been married for 6 years as of June 4th. We both grew up mostly in Carmel, IN and now live in Louisville, KY.


When did you first hear about the Church’s teachings on NFP and contraception? Did you always know about it or was there a time that you heard about it for the first time?From as far back as I can remember, I had heard the term NFP from my parents and as I got older, they explained to me what it was all about. I also learned more about contraception in high school and college and the more I learned about it, the more I was turned off by it. Then when Paul and I got engaged in college, we took a class taught by the Couple to Couple League at Purdue to learn more about how to use NFP. It wasn’t until then that I learned all the details of how, when, and really understood why we use NFP.


Likewise, was there a moment when you decided that you would use NFP in your marriage or was it just understood that that is what you would do?
It was always understood that NFP is what I would use in my marriage. It was what the Church and my family expected of me and it was the only pro-life option, so to me there was nothing else to consider. I knew I needed to find a guy who felt the same way because I wasn’t willing to compromise on the issue. Luckily God sent a wonderful, like-minded guy my way…I couldn’t have asked for a better life partner.

Did you have any fears about using NFP? If so, what were they?
I think in the beginning of our marriage, Paul wondered if NFP would really work for us. I have irregular cycles, so it is harder to predict the fertile/non-fertile times. Also, before we took an NFP class, Paul thought NFP meant having as many kids as you possibly could and that made him nervous. Over time, we have both come to understand and appreciate the beauty of God’s plan by using NFP.


How has using NFP positively influenced your marriage?
NFP has definitely strengthen our marriage by keeping communication strong and consistent, keep our relationship God-centered, and teaching us to fall in love with the small things about each other during our fertile times instead of only focusing on physical intimacy. It helps us keep everything in perspective and fully trust in God’s Divine plan.

What has been the greatest challenge?
NFP is definitely no walk in the park. The greatest challenge for us when using NFP has been determining the fertile and infertile days in my cycles because they are often very irregular. Because of our uncertainty, the time of abstinence can seem to last forever each month, which every couple knows can be very difficult at times.


What would you say to a couple who is considering using NFP rather than artificial forms of birth control?
I would explain the beauty of NFP…the beauty of using your body’s natural signs of fertility, (instead of using artificial means…aka contraception), and being open to the will of God to plan your family. I would share how much it has strengthened my marriage by keeping communication strong, keep our relationship God-centered, and teaching us to fall in love with the small things about each other during our fertile times instead of only focusing on physical intimacy. I would explain how NFP helps us to see children as a blessing not a burden and to appreciate the beautiful gift of fertility that is so easy to take for granted.

 How do you handle the topic with family and friends? Is it ever an issue? How do you handle criticism about the Church’s teachings?
Luckily NFP has not been much of an issue with our families. We actually have wonderful support from our families who also use NFP in their own families. What a blessing to have people to keep us accountable and to be an example of happiness through doing the will of God!


We do have many Catholic friends who also use NFP and many other friends who do not. When most of our friends who use contraception hear that we use NFP and are open to more children, they often look at us like we are crazy and then comment something like, “Oh, I definitely couldn’t have any more…2 (or 1 or 3…hardly ever more than 3) are enough for me!” People definitely call us crazy and can’t image why we would consider having a 5th or 6th child. I don’t take it personally, but try to respond with something like, “God won’t give us more than we can handle” or “siblings are the best gift you can give your children.”


Could you share one or some of your favorite moments with your children as well as the difficult ones?
Some of my favorite moments of my girls are when I catch them happily playing “Mommy and Baby” all together. They will walk around with high heels on and whoever is playing mom will tell everyone else what to do. Even my 22 month-old will get into character as the baby and crawl around on the floor and pretend to cry, calling her sisters ‘Mommy.’ I love to watch them use their imaginations and enjoy each other’s company. Or when we are in public and one of them gets hurt or is shy, the other takes their hand or hugs them, immediately bringing comfort. These are the moments that prove that siblings really are the best gifts you can give your children.


We are often quite the spectacle on our trips to the grocery store. On more than one occasion I have had one child in an infant carrier, a child in the front of the shopping cart trying to climb out and a child in the back of the cart almost completely covered with groceries. Food is often dropped or broken…it seems like a miracle if we make it through the whole trip without making some kind of mess. I try to keep them occupied with snacks during our trip (half of our groceries end up opened before we even pay for them), but by the time we have gotten everything that we need, an hour and a half has passed, the girls are hungry and tired and at least one is crying inconsolably as we go through the checkout line. Everyone is staring at us and some are offering to help me in any way that they can because I am sure I look like a pitiful mess. Although these moments are embarrassing at the time, we do what we need to in order to get through them and I am sure one day I will look back and laugh.