I'll Take Irish Twins...Twice!

I've copied and pasted my sister Tricia's entire post because for some of us (ok, maybe just me), sometimes clicking on links is mentally taxing or maybe it's just blog ADD,  anyways I just don't click the link sometimes, I don't know.

So a little background on my sister Tricia...
This is a summarized version of her fairytale: Phil, oldest of 10, graduated from West Pointe and was wrestling for the Army in Colorado. Tricia, 3rd of 11, was studying to be a nurse in Georgia. They met, fell in love, and then he left to serve in Afganastan. They got engaged before he left, he got back, they got married = Honeymoon Baby! John Philip was born January 12, 2011. Then a few months later came more baby news and Dominic Joseph was born December 31, 2011. Then a few months later...baby number 3 is due in....drum roll...January. We are hoping he/she makes an early appearance for the fun of it and make it another set of Irish twins. By the way...Tricia and Phil's birthdays are both in Januray.


So for fear that some of you will be lazy like me and skip the click, here is her beautiful story and perspective about being open to life below :)

Or you could visit her blog here and click away:)

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Our little Miracle

Could it be true? We’re not only going to have “double the pleasure, double the fun” of John and Dominic, but now we get YOU too?! God is tripling our blessings.

When we found out I was expecting our third child, I couldn’t grasp the fact that this could really happen again, and it all felt like a dream. It’s definitely been harder for me this time around. I am secondary in nature, so it took a while for it all to soak in as usual. Feeling mostly overwhelmed with the thought of having so many little ones! “How am I going to handle this?”…. “Why this timing?”…“I thought it was hard to get pregnant”….and, “Why do you trust us so much, God?!” I blame that one on Phil since he’s such a good Dad. J With there being a one and a million, very slim chance we could have gotten pregnant but did, we knew God wanted this baby for a very specific reason. That is the most consoling and liberating thing. Despite my passing emotions, there is something greater here that I was chosen to be a part of. We cannot try to figure out God and the magnificent plans he has for us, but I somehow always try. I always try to figure out why He seems a little crazy at times. J

Slowly I felt His hand upon my shoulder in comfort, guiding me to His Mother Mary, and teaching me how to continually trust in Him in all moments. He will give me all the graces I need to get through these challenging, but oh-so-sweet years. His plan is perfect and I know I will be amazed when I see it unfolding. I didn’t imagine my life already filled with four chubby feet running around (and two still acquiring their chub). But it’s a reminder to me that when you let God in, in every aspect of your life including your fertility, you experience the ultimate freedom, peace, and joy….for me that comes along with my two sweet boys and baby on the way.

With the coming days I feel God telling me, “because I need you.” And that is enough for me. I know this is right and I know this is part of our beautiful story and masterpiece slowly unfolding, even if it’s not how I had originally envisioned it. You know, before a painter creates a mural, sometimes he has to strip down old wall paper, or fill some holes in the wall, smoothing the surface. Then one by one, he starts his brush strokes, creating his vision. If we don’t allow God to do some patch work/stripping or even painting, what will we be missing out on?! The mural is not going to look nearly as beautiful.

So sweet baby, you’re our little miracle! A part of that wonderful masterpiece. One that God has planned since the beginning of time. We love you dearly and cannot wait till the day comes when we can bundle you up in our arms and kiss your sweet cheeks. 21 weeks to go and counting!


HUGE note: My husband Phil has of course been exactly what I need. His faith, support and strength ground this family. He never questions God's amazing plan for our lives. Without him, I'd be an even bigger mess!

Another note: These pictures are from our talented friend, Kathy Wight. I added the captions.
https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Wight-Photography/136581026376652

And Sharing the news with our families is always the most fun and best of encouragements:

-Please excuse the Greek olympian god.
-I'm the one being attacked.

Some readings that helped me when I first discovered I was expecting again!

2^nd Letter of Paul to the Corinthians 9: 6-10—“Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully...for God loves a cheerful giver. Moreover, God is able to make every grace abundant for you, so that in all things, always having all you need, you may have an abundance for every good work.”

Excerpt from, I believe in Love – My nature says, “No”; my will says, “Yes.” My nature trembles; with all my will, I smile through my tears. My nature is troubled and afraid; my heart recalls the divine testament: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give unto you.” (Jn 14:27) My nature revolts; I force myself to say, “All is well, Jesus; do not change anything.” It is a fight which we must take up again and again without ceasing, for our fallen nature always rears up its head. St. Fancis de Sales says it dies a quarter of an hour after we do! This is the drama of our life. But the beautiful thing is that Jesus sees our will united to His by a fundamental choice. All those movements of our nature, if we do not consent to them, do not exist for Him.

We can even rejoice, in a sense, in having an evil nature which justly gives us the occasion to deny it our consent and to repeat, “No, Jesus, it is your will that I love; it is that which I want and nothing else. It is you whom I choose.” According to Saint Paul, “strength is perfected in weakness,” confidence is perfected in worry, humility is perfected in the movements of pride, light is perfected in darkness.


Thank you Tricia for sharing your spiritual insights and testimony to LIFE, it is so strengthening to see God's grace at work in your soul.

Why Do I Practice NFP?

- by Joanna @ The Milroys

Recently I’ve been reflecting on the merits of NFP and reasons why one should use it or even why I use it. Because it’s something that I’ve found to be so transformative, amazing, and truth-filled, I want to be able to show everyone how it can be beneficial for their lives as well. It’s common, of course, to want something that has brought you happiness to also bring happiness to others.

As with many aspects of faith, though, I’ve come to realize that NFP is not something that can be marketed like a pair of shoes or the latest and greatest computer. (Although people have tried and are trying) NFP is ultimately not a commodity that can be bought, used, and then upgraded. This is because at its core, NFP is a part of a larger system of faith and virtue.

But, starting at the most basic levels, there are many, many benefits and reasons why someone could, ought to, or does practice NFP. Here’s what I always want to tell people:

•               It's green
•         It’s natural
•         It’s effective
•         It’s cheap
•         It works with any woman’s cycle at any age
•         It’s easy to learn
•        There are no poor medical side effects
•        Any decisions made are immediately reversible
•        The divorce rate of couples who use NFP is extremely low (something less than 5%)
•        It keeps you in touch with your body and allows you to learn about your health and wellness
•        It allows you to see your own body and your spouse’s as gifts

•         It can predict any possible fertility problems you might have
•         It will strengthen your marriage and make your spouse happier

•         It will make you happier
•         It opens up communication between spouses
•         It develops mutual decision making between a couple
•         It increases your appreciation and understanding of intimacy
•         It will give you an inner sense of peace
•         It strengthens your faith
•         It makes your relationship and you feel more free; especially free of anxiety
•         It puts you in the mindset of gratitude for life and everything it contains
•         It keeps your priorities in order
•         It’s what the Catholic Church teaches is correct and virtuous

That sounds like a very marketable list to me. Who wouldn’t want that? I want to shout it from my facebook wall! Well, here’s the thing, everyone does want it, I believe, but everyone needs to accept this understanding as a gift.

Because of our culture’s perversion of sex, it seems oddly taboo to talk about the beauty of sex with others in a serious way even though it’s in front of our face in many other ways, especially in the media. I’ve noticed that other NFP couples are much more open to talking about sex in a non scandalous way. Those who contracept seem to view sex to be more of a private topic of conversation if that or they talk about it very scandalously.

So back to trying to market NFP…  If we can’t talk to our friends about it because it’s too private a topic or too encroaching on their beliefs and comfort levels, then why shouldn’t we (as a collective NFP culture) try mass-marketing it? Ad campaigns, billboards, TV slots, publications… And once again, this doesn’t sound bad, and many are trying this, I’m sure.

But, something in that idea is askew too. And after reflecting on it, I think it’s because even though we can practice NFP for any of the above reasons, ultimately the reason a person will see the true beauty of NFP is because it’s a gift from God, and the only true reason to practice NFP is because we love God.

That might sound a little dramatic. The ONLY TRUE reason to practice NFP is because we love God? Really?

Yes. Because the only reason we should do anything in our lives or endure anything is because we love God. That is what we were created for. That is what we long for. For that infinite love of God. And NFP allows us to glimpse this infinite aspect of God’s love through the physical, spiritual, and emotional love between spouses in the form of sex while contraception shuts that relationship with God down.

That is why we can’t market NFP like another commodity. We can evangelize and tout its benefits, because there is a never-ending list of great things about NFP. And we could even put on a mass-marketing campaign. But ultimately getting people motivated to love God and act because of that love is a gift from God too. We have to pray for the grace to be good examples in our own marriages and pray for the gift of NFP and openness to life and love for the world.

We have to work on ourselves to root out our prideful reasons for doing NFP. Even the benefits (which are still benefits) can be selfish if that is our main goal or focus. For example, practicing NFP because it is effective cannot be the end goal. Love of God is. Practicing NFP because it builds a stronger marriage cannot not be the end goal. Love of God is. Even practicing NFP and wanting others to do so because it’s the “right” thing to do that will get you “heaven points” for your deathbed is not the end goal. It’s not about you, it’s about loving God. All these benefits are steps on the way to God sharing his infinite love and our feeble attempt to love Him back.

Notes on NFP, Note 1

I'm always amused to find myself in the middle of NFP "moments" more often than not these days. I'm not sure if it's because my ears are more in tune now that I somehow fell into managing an NFP blog (which I still don't know how happened ; ), or because my life and friends are in our child bearing season, or if it is God gently nudging them my way...I'm sure all of the above. At any rate...I've been mulling over these conversations and circumstances for a time and I thought I would share them with you, as they seemed to stick with me.

At a Funeral...
"Thank you Grandpa for being open to life, because my dad was number 10." that excerpt came from my sister Anna who wrote a tribute to my grandfather, at his funeral. He was 97. Present at the funeral were all 13 children about 60 out of 65 grandchildren and then many great grandchildren (64 I believe).

That line in her testimony rang in my ears. My gosh, if he stopped at 5 or 8 my dad would not be here! I would not be here, nore would my children and eventually their children. Half the people in this picture would not even exist. Just the magnitude of one life and the generations of people that come from one person! This is one couple being open as to what God wanted out of their life.

                                               (This was taken at their 65th wedding anniversary)

My grandparents house was small,a ranch house with 3 bedrooms and 1 1/2 baths. They never owned many material possessions, and all their children had to earn their own way into college. They lived a simple life that was full to the brim! And he died surrounded by multitudes of people who loved him.

Hanging Family Pictures...
I come from a long line of fertility, you might say, "Fertile Myrtyls". I'm from a family of 11, my dad is one of 13, my mom is one of 10, her mom is one of 13, and so on....
I wanted to find some pictures of my grandparents to hang in my house and tell their stories to my children. I found these pictures from my mom's side of the family. They are of my great grandmother Neoma and grandmother Margaret.

     (my great grandmother is fifth from right, Neoma. She went on to have 13 children,   pictured below, and 97 grandchildren. Below, are 12 of her 13 and my grandma is 6th in line from right.)

(my grandparents on my mom's side...did they know here that they would go on to have 10 children?)

I stared at these pictures for a long time. Take one or two or five children out of that line up and there are dozens and hundreds of lives that would not have come into existence.

What I'm not saying, is that in order to be open to life, you must have at least 10 children.  Being open to life should never mean a certain number, but it does mean being open to what God wants, as many as HE wants and not so much what you want.

There is this one passage of scripture that I always go back to..."And he sat down opposite the treasury, and watched the multitude putting money into the treasury. Many rich people put in large sums And a poor widow came, and put in two copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him, and said to them, "Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the treasury. For they all contributed out of their abundance; but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, her whole livelihood." Mark 12:41-44

and especially this one:
"For whoever would save his life will lose it; and whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it." Mark 3:35

Good grief, those are some hard sayings, but I have watched my own parents and grandparents live by those passages. They gave their whole livelihood in being open to life. I think at the heart of nfp, this is what God is asking of us. The sizes and shapes and spaces between each family will look different, but deep inside it is meant to look the same. That whatever our family size ends up being, even if God sends us infertility, it is not about a specific number, rather, it is about giving and what being open to life is doing to our souls. It is ultimately a surrender of our will to his, our LIFE for others. 

 I think of livelihood as those things that you enjoy: eating food when it's hot, getting a full night's sleep without being awaken or sleeping in, traveling abroad, getting away for a weekend, concerts, going places alone, I could think of a million. All these things are good things in themselves and by no means, bad, but good in healthy doses I guess, but we willingly give them up at times for the sake of someone else, a little soul.

As I looked at these pictures, I couldn't help, but think of the sacrifice my great grandparents, grandparents, and parents went through by being obedient to God. Because of their yes, their trust, and their very lives, I am here. I believe what my great grandparents and grandparents and parents did was RADICAL. It is so completely counter-cultural and against the norm, and it cost them everything, but I believe it's right because it is life focused on eternity.

Jillian Michael's Workout DVD: "In order to change, you have to get uncomfortable."

Her quote holds a great deal of truth. It applies physically and spiritually. How ready are we to put our bodies through intense physical and rigorous workouts to maintain good health or to look good? And yet, we have to do the same for our souls, be ready and willing to GET UNCOMFORTABLE if we want to change and become the best version of ourselves

(Sidenote: Ha, I didn't really pay any attention to her until I read that lent post and then got inspired to order "No More Trouble Zones" dvd. I can't say I'm a big fan of her "kick some butt" attitude,I personally find that annoying, but she is a really good motivator and the dvds are making me sweat!)

I'm pretty sure having a baby is, in its very essence, the most uncomfortable thing I will ever do in this life, for a whole host of reasons :), but it is the most rewarding. Sometimes, I have to remember, "With great sacrifice comes great love, and with great love, comes great sacrifice." JPII

But maybe, more importantly, being open to life can open our souls, stretch our hearts, and changes us into the women we were created to be.

Post Promise

So, I'm not blog savvy, or consistant, or creative....BUT.... I do promise to garner some new writers and interesting posts for the coming year. I'm so often reminded of why we started this blog when I run into friends or women who are frieghtened at the thought of another child, don't understand nfp, who suffer from the affects of birth control, feel alone in their fight, or those who are trying their very hardest to be faithful to God.

For me, sometimes just getting on here and seeing all the faces of those striving to be open to life, knowing I'm not the only one, is encouraging in itself. So, I hope it can be the same for you!

If you know of some great nfp women who want to share their stories and thoughts...let me know!

Biggest Highlight of 2011 for me:

Avila Maria

Cheers and blessings for 2012!

Maria

What have you DONE...

For your Marriage today?

I think Fulton Sheen nailed it when he said marriage goes through three stages: the blissful honeymoon moment, followed by a “crisis” moment that leads to a deeper and more satisfying intimacy.

Lately I've read two Catholic magazines that have asked this question, "What have you done for your marriage today?" Isn't that a refreshing change other than the same old grocery isle headings "New positions to make him crazy for you." or "Fives signs he's cheating."  Well let's chuck it up for Lucky, Vogue, Ladies Home Journal, Glamour, and all the bubble gum prints out there who are providing America with marriage failure techniques 

Last week, I found out a friend's marriage is in crisis because of marital infidelity. It struck my heart, I couldn't sleep that night because it troubled me deeply. Something like that effects so many people, not just the couple, but the whole church and society suffer with them.

Marriage truly takes so much work. I feel like I can't really give any advice - because I haven't been married that long. I look to my parents who celebrated 30 years in July and my grandparents who celebrated 72 YEARS two weeks ago. (Holy cow that's a long time.) Both of those marriages and many others I've seen seem to have much in common: They work on their marriages with as much passion as our work outs and as much  careful planning and investing as our bank accounts.

Truly, it is our life's greatest work, apart from working on our souls, and because we are held accountable for getting our spouses to Heaven.

The Helps...
I've been gathering and collecting some marriage resources as I've come across them:

1.  "40 Day Challenge"
During Lent, the Extrodinary Moms Network got facebook fans to join the "40 Day Challenge" It is a compelling project for spouses based on scripture and writings of the late Fulton Sheen. AWESOME!!

2. "Love Dare" Something similar from the somewhat cheesy but good message movie, Fire Proof. 

3. So I was in the dark that the U.S. Conference of Bishops made strengthening marriage a top priority for 2008-2011. I'm a little late in getting in on the memo, but there have been some great helps out there, one being this website: http://www.foryourmarriage.org/ 

4. Lastly, some small print publications have had some great articles on marriage as well. This is from LeCristo ,  with poignant and practical advice for marriage:

"...the work of dedicating time to Christ is no small task. On all sides intrudes the din of electronic gadgetry, leaving folks voice-mailed, text messaged and tweeted to numbness. No wonder so many people find it hard to have an interior life of prayer and reflection. Without the ability to be alone with one's thoughts, it is harder to lift one's mind to God during the course of a day. This presents a danger. For 'where people no longer perceive God.' Benedict XVI said in his Letter to Seminarians last year, 'life grows empty; nothing is ever enough.'


Imagine how much harder it is for spouses to find time for silence and for each other. The daily demands of supporting their families and maintaining a household could tax the stamina of a Navy SEAL. All the more reason why spouses need to disconnect from the world and spend quiet time together. And couples shouldn't feel guilty about making time for themselves. Ideally , not even children should claim all of their parents' time, to the point were mom and dad no longer have time for each other.


One of the most important witnesses that married people give to their children and to the world is precisely their dedication to each other. (Wise is the adage, by the way, that says the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."


The union between spouses also has a profound theological value. Marriage witnesses to the relationship of Christ and his bride the Church. With good reason St. Paul exhorts husbands to "love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her" (Ephesians 5:25). The Apostle presses the point a few verses later when he writes that 'the two shall become one flesh. This is the great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the Chruch' (vv 31-32).


We are used to thinking of religious and consecrated people and priests as a special witnesses to Christ. But married people too share this role, through the day-to-day unity they live.  Their witness helps to lift everyone around them. They can make their love incarnate, as it were, not only through their children but through the devotion and time they lavish on each other.


Strong marriages help to keep the awareness of God present in societies. Spouses can do their part by simply spending time with each other. It takes effort, but it is doable. It means turning off the TV and the cell phone and the computer and going a walk together. It means making time for a "date night" away from the kids. It means drawing the line on meddling in-laws. It means, in short, no feeling guilty about wasting time together.


Time has a way of standing still when two people in love spend time together. It is that suspension of time, so to speak, that gives the rest of us a glimpse into what eternity is like. and what it will be like to spend eternity with the God of love."  - Fr. Edward McIImail, LC


Simple, practical, and always good to hear! What are some things that you do with your spouse to "work" on your marriage?

Men of Honor

So I read this on my dad's facebook page yesterday and wanted to share. Only by the grace of God did he have his Father's example of being open to life and then I in turn had my father. It is crazy to think that if one didn't I would not be here and nor would my kids! 

In reflecting further, I noticed how much they were both men of prayer. My dad was a spiritual leader in my family (leading a rosary or praying after Mass) maybe because his father was. What an impact it had for generations. Let's pray for more good men!!

Happy 97th Birthday to my Dad Pete Zuniga! I am truly humbled by the great life and example this man has given me. Lived through the great depression raising his seven younger brothers and sisters after his dad passed away when he was a kid. Raised 13 of his own children, buried two of his other children. Loyal husband, dedicated father, skilled worker in all areas, talented musician, and most of all a humble man who gave God all the glory! We were always the last family to leave church on Sunday....we watched and waited for Dad to get off his knees! If I could fill half his shoes in my lifetime I would be blessed.



I love this man!

.

How Many Kids Do You Want?

Oh THEE question. A seemingly lighthearted, fun question that is asked by young girls to each other everywhere as they sit around at a sleepover and girl-talk. I say seemingly because once you actually get there (to having those kids, that is) all-of-a-sudden it is a much more weighty question. And that is just one big reason why I LOVE natural family planning. NFP doesn’t make this question any less important or even give you the “right” and “easy” answer; it actually drastically changes the question all together. Instead of asking “How many kids do I want?” like you would ask yourself “How many purses do I want?” you learn to integrate the idea of children into a more central part of your life, into your vocation. Children aren’t purses, accessories that you can add to your lifestyle as you choose or as the size of your closet allows. And NFP teaches you that in a very real way.

NFP teaches you to value kids as lives you are bringing into the world. This is the way you grow as a person, as a married couple, mature in your vocation, grow closer to God, and help others grow as well. NFP, when boiled down to the basics, is really a lifestyle that simply means: I will trust God to show me where my vocation will take me.

There is no way to know what you need and no way anyone should or could have to know exactly what is needed to get them--or their husband or children--to where they need to go: ultimately heaven. What we do need is for God to help us figure that out as we go. Marriage changes a person so much. Even someone who has wanted to get married forever, and has felt called to that forever, is changed in ways they can’t imagine or anticipate. The same goes for getting a certain job, entering the priesthood, or any vocational call. And this also applies to having one child, two, or ten. You’ll never know until you are on your deathbed that the number of children you had is the amount you needed. Only God can see that. I wouldn’t want to wait until that day and find out I was wrong because I did not trust in God.

But people and culture today have all kinds of answers and non-answers to this question about the number of kids for them. Here’s a few I’ve run into and took note of lately, in no way a complete list.

I was at the dentist and had one of those really chatty dental hygienists. You know the kind of person who talks right through the appointment and since you have those tools in your widely propped open mouth all you can say is “uh huh” to answer? She started talking about how she had two kids, but then always “felt” the need for one more. Then when she had her third awhile later (after hmming and hawing for a few years) she just “knew” she was done. She said, “You’ll just feel like it is right to be done. That feeling that you just know your done having kids.” …etc. Hmmm, I thought. Is this the same as that feeling when you find your wedding dress? So she (as I’m sure a lot do) relies on a “feeling” for how many lives get to be created through her. Feelings are always so accurate too. ;) Now, don’t get me wrong, feelings sometimes do lead to correct thought, but especially as women, I think we have to balance those feelings with thought and ground them in prayer. NFP gives us that foundation.

I saw an interview with Tina Fey written out in an article online. She was describing how she agonized over the decision on whether to have a second baby. Would it end her career? Would her first child be ok? Is it the right thing to do? Ultimately she decided she would get pregnant and was happy with her decision. But how many people (who don’t get that “feeling” of being done) agonize like this? Is it right that one should carry that responsibility completely on her shoulders? If you don’t trust and follow the lifestyle of NFP it would be hard not to get sucked into an anxiety-ridden black hole of trying to figure out the reasons to have or not have a child. True peace and happiness can only result from letting that go - giving up the control - because at the end of the day, is anyone ever completely in control anyway?

On a TV show, “Pregnant in Heels,” the woman on the show details the process of her and her husband trying to use IVF to have their second child. She is an emotional roller-coaster as I can imagine I would be as well. It’s honorable that she desires to have a child. But, she goes on to say something along the lines of “Despite the extreme hardships of doing IVF and then having an ectopic pregnancy, we will keep trying it until we get pregnant because my husband and I feel very strongly that we will work as hard as we need to in order to bring our family into the world.” It seems she has this vision of a child waiting for her on the other side of heaven to come and get him. Whether this soul is there or not, she’s willing to fight for this “right” to have a child. In this case, fertility is a right, not a gift. Fertility becomes a part of a person that should be controlled for the desired outcome; which, in this case, is to bring a child into the world naturally or not. On the other, but not dissimilar side, are couples using birth control trying to control their “illness” or “burden” of fertility.

On another TV talk show, an actor who had a couple of children was asked if she would be having more kids. Her answer came quickly and harshly (trying to be funny in a very over-dramatic, overly compensating way), “I’d rather [graphically do something to my uterus] than have another child.” How sad, I thought, as the audience and hosts laughed loudly in a “oh I understand” kind of way. She tries to feel better about her decision for the amount of children by playing it off as “my body seriously couldn’t handle that AT ALL.”

One more example. I recently asked an engaged acquaintance of mine (a non-practicing NFPer) if her and her fiancé had ideas of having children soon after getting married. (Trying to word it as politely and politically correct as possible since I don’t know her well.) Her response was quick. She mentioned something about definitely not wanting kids until at least 30 and then she’d have two. She said she had two in her family growing up and so did her fiancé. End of conversation. No further thought. That’s what she was used to and there’s really no other reasons needed in her mind, I guess. Not only is having kids in a completely separate sphere than getting married for her, it’s also something that she wouldn’t open up to, consider, or question, out of what seems like fear of the unknown.

I think I can be an example of misunderstanding this concept as well. Before I was married (as a person who knew they would do NFP) I would respond to the question “How many kids do you want?” with a very (typical) Catholic answer: I am open and want to have a big family. Maybe 5, 8, 10. I would always throw out a large-ish number. My future husband and I would see families in church with many kids and I would flirtingly and excitedly look over at him and say “we could do seven” or however many they had. Now, that wasn’t a wrong answer per say, but I had no idea how much I would learn after I actually started my vocation to married life and being a mom.
Many people would imagine that now after I know all the work that actually goes into having kids, I would look back on my pre-motherhood self and say, “Wow, she didn’t know what she was saying…I can’t have that many!” But instead I just realize that you can’t put a number down, big or small. Having a family is not a fantasy-world, whether you dream of having lots of kids or none, either way you are trying to control something not meant to be controlled.

Now (only three years and two kids in with hopefully many more of both to learn from to come) when people ask that question about the number of kids, I realize how utterly impossible it is to answer that with a number or even a short answer really. A child cannot be planned. I can’t look into the future and see what any part of my life will look like so why should the amount of children I will have be apparent? Each child comes with a set of so many of life’s variables so each one has to be taken as it comes. Of course I am open to a big family, but in the end I hope and know that God will give me what is right. (Although some days I struggle with having this faith more than others.) I can talk about having lots of kids and prepare for what that would mean, but in the end I’m going to keep living my life each day to keep overcoming my many flaws and being ready for what God asks.
Among many, many things, my first child taught me flexibility. She stretched me to give, give, give, things I never thought about giving. She forced me to learn to live more like Christ did. I couldn’t have learned those things unless I had her exactly when I did. My second child taught me joy. He taught me to live in the moment more, to appreciate and have gratitude. And these kids are only 2 years and 7 months old respectively. I am so thankful for what their lives have already accomplished; simply by being.

Connecting ourselves to God’s will for us is really the goal of life. It’s the “why” of everything. NFP is the tool that makes a marriage into a vocation and lets us communicate with Christ to learn His will. By devoting oneself to prayer and keeping an ongoing conversation between spouses, as well as any spiritual advisors, we can be sure we are doing what we need to be open to the gifts of life.

Helping us answer and rework the question of “How many kids do you want?” is just one reason why NFP leads to holiness and happiness.
- Written by Joanna Milroy

Confessions of a Naturalist

It's a popular trend to have "confessions" lately. There's the song "These are my confessions" by Usher. (There was a time in my life when I did listen to Usher, ok, I'll be honest I think I still have him on my Ipod sadly). Then confessions are in the movies, "Confessions of a Shopaholic" or "Confessions of Teenage Drama Queen."

It must be innate in us to reveal what is deep within.



Anyways....The Confession Part:

I've had an epiphany and it took about a year in the making. It all started with a minor little hang up I had, a paranoia really, about getting pregnant right after having a baby. I would gawk at stories or relatives who would be expecting when their baby was only three or six months old. It would shock me. I couldn't wrap my brain around it. "Please, please, don't let happen to me" I would say.
I couldn't understand how someone could handle it or I thought maybe they didn't know how to practice nfp. Jesus very kindly and gently has shown me otherwise.

I didn't get pregnant right away after my second. Quite the opposite. I could NOT get pregant. I lost visual signs of fertility and tried hard for nine months. So, at some point my prayer changed from "Please God don't let me get pregant right away" to "Please God, let me have another baby."

One night, after another failed attempt, I thought it could be very possible that I may be trying for years and started to cry. My husband gently asked, "Wait, I remember you crying because you thought you were going to get pregnant...and it's funny you're crying now because you can't get pregnant" ....let's just say more crying ensued.

I laugh at myself now, but those feelings were very raw at the time.

The Way God Worked On Me:
There were nights when I would lay in bed and a slight brush of panic would make my heart skip fast as I wondered if I would ever be able to have more children. I've heard many many stories of people having their first two or four easy and then never again could they concieve. Was this me? I wondered how long I should wait before getting help from a doctor. With every period, I thought about what my life's purpose would be if I could only have two? I envisioned be occupied with six or eight and I couldn't rework that life plan in my head. I grew up with 10 other siblings so the thought of life with two is foreign to me.

Truly, on a small scale, I say small, because I am expecting now. On a small scale, I felt briefly what it is like to live with a pain of not being able to have children. I'm sure my grief was only a splinter of what some women go through and I can not imagine what a heavy heart they carry. It was bittersweet to hear my sisters share their joy of getting pregnant. I thought about how lucky they were.

On the other hand, a year before, I got hung up on what "natural" spacing meant - in terms of the number of months and years. Getting pregnant with a newborn was a stubling block for me. I, without asking or going to God for guidance, didn't want to get pregant when I had a six month old because, in my mind, that was too soon.

I found myself many times, post baby phase, to wonder what the catechism means when they say natural family planning allows for the "natural spacing" of children. You hear a wide range in nfp circles, "It mean's no spacing", "It's 2 years" "It's when ever you stop breast feeding" "It's three years and three months".  I saw too, that what feels natural to me could feel unnatural to someone else and vice versa.

I got so hung up on what the right number of months or years spacing means in the church or hung up with my own ideas of what is natural to me. I think both are wrong because I could be making that very delicate decision without God and thinking about what merely feels comfortable to me.

I realized it was obviously not up to me because God had something different in mind. Life is not in our control. I couldn't make a new life in me no matter how hard I tried. But if and when that ability to conceive is up to me, it is another area of CONTROL I need to hand over to God.

After two novenas, one to St.Joseph and one to St.Therese, we conceived baby number three. On the nineth day of my St. Therese novena, I was at a dinner party out of town. I wasn't suppose to go and only decided to last minute. Sure enough, as we were gathered in the host's backyard, a single rose was blooming on a bush. I wasn't looking for a sign, I just wanted to be at peace knowing I had prayed and God had heard my prayer in whatever way He chose to answer.

A few weeks later, the pregnancy test was confirmed. I had tears of joy at finding out God allowed us to have another baby.
Slowly, God helped my heart to understand, through the painful and gentle process of having to wait for a child, that He doesn't care about the number of months your children are spaced apart, he cares whether or not your heart is is open and ready for what HE wants. He wants a heart that trusts Him, that doesn't hold back because of selfishness, superficial reasons, or want of control.

Practical Part:
This will play out differently for each couple, some will have theirs back to back and other couples will have big gaps and hopefully, each according to God's will for their marriage.  I think therein lies the task of each soul and each couple who sincerely want to be open to life and be faithful to the teaching of the church: we have to take it honestly and humbly before God each month. If we are sincere in following God's will, than each families numbers and spaces will be as different as the stars.

The Doctor's Office...

Have you ever been in your doctor’s office and the topic of birth control comes up? If you mention that you practice Natural Family Planning do they look at you like you are speaking a foreign language and you have something in your teeth? The purpose of this post is to hopefully give you a little insight into why that may be and possible hope for ways it can change.

As the spouse of someone in medical school, I have gotten a bit of a glimpse behind the curtain to how doctors can be trained. Maybe my husband’s experience is unique, but I doubt it. I remember when he was having his lectures during the “Sexuality and Reproduction” module that he came home pretty upset after the lecture on contraceptive methods was 89.5 minutes long about pills, IUDs, condoms, foams, etc, with the last 0.5 dedicated to the comment “oh—and some people use NFP but that doesn’t really work.”


Later, he heard the perennial joke about “What do you call people who practice NFP?”the answer, of course being: “Parents.”

This theme has continued and even worsened after he decided he wanted to practice ob/gyn and spent more time around some of the people who have ostensibly dedicated their lives to “women’s health.” On a daily basis, comments have been made about how they couldn’t conceive (pun intended) how doctors would choose to not do tubal ligations or prescribe birth control. One person talked about how with birth control every child is a wanted child, while another discussed the public health benefits and cost control achieved by contraception and sterilizations.

He reports that at the hospital he is currently working at that at least one out of every three c-sections ends with a tubal ligation. He regularly hears, “Oh, this is her fourth pregnancy? Are we tying her tubes?” as if they cannot begin to fathom the possibility of a fifth, sixth, seventh, etc. child.


In looking for residency programs, my husband has fortunately found a few hospitals that still practice medicine in line with the Church’s teachings. But the vast majority of programs are very unfriendly to NFP-only physicians. Residency programs run clinics where many women request birth control and an NFP-only doctor that is unwilling and unable to prescribe birth control would only slow business down and not be viewed as a team player.



However, there is hope. In the few programs that are friendly towards doctors that want to practice medicine in line with the Church’s teachings my husband has found that there are many residents that feel the same way he does. They have stood up for their beliefs, explained their position to their colleagues and are looking very much forward to providing care to women wanting to be taken seriously when talking about NFP.

Having had a baby a few months ago myself I have heard countless remarks from doctors about how I couldn’t possibly want another one anytime soon. Even as we were leaving the hospital to bring our new baby home, the nurse reminded us about taking precautions with spermicides and condoms immediately, implying and assuming that it would be devastating to have another one of those cute little babies anytime in the near future. I am saddened by this attitude but am hopeful and thankful for all of the practicing NFP-only doctors out there now and those to come in the future.
 
by Grace at Camp Patton

You're Not Alone

I friend of mine showed me this and I thought it was well done. Sometimes, it is just good to hear from a normal couple going through the same things most marriages go through. Bare with it....they are honest and refreshing. I like to have on hand good resources to show other couples just learning about NFP, but also as a reminder for myself...we aren't alone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFaIDMeb_GE

With Every Child Comes a Loaf of Bread

This is a beautiful reflection from my good friend Laurie. She and her husband Brandon live in Tennessee with their four gorgeous kids and she is expecting her fifth in June. I asked her if I could share this post on our blog, enjoy!

"This is a saying my mother in law told me several years ago and I treasure the words to this day especially when we find out we are having another baby! Yes we are expecting number five and we are all so excited. The ETA of this baby is June 9, 2011.
I love these words because it speaks to so many concerns when allowing God the opportunity to bless you with another little blessing. There are so many excuses that can keep us from taking the leap of faith and conceiving another baby. Some of those things are money, time, energy, lack of resources, lack of patience, to busy, to crazy, to messy, can't keep up. You name it I have said it to myself and have heard many other people say it as well. Thankfully as in exercising or training for a marathon you grow a little at a time. You are pushed a little further each day you train. The process with children begins with the pregnancy. The exhaustion, sickness, uncomfortableness, the pain, the varicose veins, the indigestion and whatever else you may face in your pregnancy. These are little acts of love through suffering that are preparing your heart for a new little person that will rock your world. For the funny, the bad, the ugly, the messy and mostly the wonderful each new little baby totally rocks my world. If I thought any differently I would be deceiving myself. The baby comes and the grace comes and your heart grows and stretches a little more each day. Everything stretches to the point that you look back after having your fifth baby and four seems super easy now. Yes five seems insanely crazy right now and you can't keep up with anything, but heck four is a breeze now. Take one away for a day and leave me with four and I have a break!


Lets step back for a minute when I had 1 I was 100% full and gave all that I had and thought there was nothing more within me left to give. No more patience, love, time, energy and no more money, but then sweet little two was conceived and the process began the grace began to flow, the grace did not come before we conceived but after and continues to flow from that point as it is needed. So two comes and wow does one child seem so easy because you are expanding and growing because of the grace of God. I think the grace of God is so evident in openness to life and having more children because I look at women with eight and ten children and I really believe it is not humanly possible and that is why there are so few people who take that leap so many times. They are having to rely heavily on God because their capacity is so limited. It all seems so unexplainable humanly speaking because the woman with one is 100% full and the woman with ten is the exact same. It is only explainable by the grace of God. He will always give the grace so take the leap when he is asking. I am not saying every family has to have a brood of 10, but I am saying God does have a number for each family and this is such an important area to listen and to put aside our worries and trust that if he asks us to bring another life into this world the grace will only come after we say yes after we take the leap."

Womb Weflections

Did you know rechem is the Hebrew word for womb, stemming from the root word racham, which means mercy, compassion, and to cherish?


It's kind of a funny word, like you can't say your "r"s and are trying to say room.


Getting to the point....


A few weekends ago, a group of couples from our parish traveled to listen to Christopher West, a humorously intelligent speaker who gives talks on Theology of the Body. I laughed my pants off, as did my husband who probably did a little too much and too loudly for sitting in the second row, but oh well.


As the Theology of the Body hints, he spoke all about our sexuality as men and women, the marriage relationship, sex, and how and why it relates to our whole existence. It was brilliantly done.


But one of points stuck with me, more than the others. It was a minor reference on our bodies as women and our wombs. He said, "Women, I'm sorry that the world has degraded you, has lied to you, has told you that your bodies are ugly and your fertility a curse. Your womb is blessed and your bodies are beautiful."


My womb is blessed? Huh, I honestly never thought about it like that. I know the Virgin Mary's was because she carried our Lord. But mine? Mine? Yes, because God asked me to be a mother and created me with this most awe invoking ability to carry life inside me.


I grew up in a home with 11 kids, respected life, my body, and knew I was a child of God. I also sometimes watched Dawson's Creek and Sex in the City, listened to Mariah Carey and Dave Mathews , occasionally glanced at In Style and People magazine, saw movies like Clueless, Sixteen Candles, and Grease. 


The outcome?  Amidst the strong convictions to love my vocation and my body.....faint whispering thoughts to have a perfect body like Jennifer Aniston or Jennifer Lopez or the carefree adventurous lifestyle of Carrie Bradshaw sometimes subtly make their appearances.




Somewhere in between knowing God created me and loving my vocation and then sometimes insecure and sometimes highly conscious and aware of the annoyance and pity that fertility and wombs seem to cause the world was my thinking.



What West and the Holy Spirit did for me:


Before TOB (Theology of the Body) Conference:
My body: My husband thinks my body is beautiful, however; I myself would like not to have chest that is as flat as a wheat field.
My fertility: It is a gift from God, but it sometimes makes me nervous.
My womb: After two children, it is fascinating that my stomach can expand three feet straight out and then shrink back into a smaller blubberish mass.


After TOB:


My body: Tears....I struggle to accept my body, but with it's "flaws" I AM beautiful because I am a woman and God made me beautiful.
My fertility: I'm so ashamed that I have not been more grateful for the gift of my fertility. I never want to take it for granted. Again, remind myself, to give it to God. It is not a curse or an embarrassment, it is and will always be a great blessing. My heart knows this.
My womb: For all its mystery and for all its matter, it is sacred.

But what for all of those women, some of them my friends, who were never even told otherwise? So many of us women are starving from a spiritual anorexia by not feeding our souls with the truth. Some have been lied to, or think happiness will come with total freedom and a perfect body. I hope TOB gets to more parishes and more people and help us understand on a whole new level the beautiful gift of our fertility and the freedom of holy marriage. How God depends on us to share the TRUTH, share our JOY, share our GRATITUDE about all aspects of what it means to be a woman and reclaim all its dignity and worth!

 I heard Christopher West speak in college several years ago, I've listened to his, "Theology of the Body" on cds three times. It took me this fourth time to understand that even though I may not agree with the modern view to get rid of my fertility or think I need surgery for the perfect body, part of my thoughts still carried this worldly residue that was hindering my full acceptance and joy about them.


It must have been a grace from God, to receive a change of heart this time around. I encourage anyone who is even in remote driving distance to get to one of his talks with your husband. It's awesome for marriage!!


Three cheers to my womb ; )

So Are You Planning on Having More Children?

My sister showed me this amazing blog called Resolved to Worship.
This is a Christian woman with six kids – and her powerful and Godly answer to the question above.


Striving to live out the Catholic churches teaching on NFP is challenging and noble and requires so much prayer and discernment before God. She has touched on these realities....




"Like most mornings these days, I woke up with swollen feet, hands and face and a little sick to my stomach. Mother's day indeed. And for the grandest of reasons to be feeling ill! God has been so merciful to give me this darling little girl.

I think I'm finishing up the 36th week of the pregnancy and moving into the 37th. I'm uncomfortable which is to be expected at this point, the nights more restless, and my energy feeling closer and closer to ~ just about nothing.

Friday, Robert had a long days work - arriving in near 8:30ish. The day seemed so very long. I wondered if it possible that I would survive until he came through that door. The children have endless energy! I do not.

Course I did survive, praise be to God, but I can't tell you the feeling of pregnancy tiredness that hit hours, yes hours, before he arrived. The sun was beginning to go down and I knew I must fill the children's schedule still and so we walked the driveway, pulling the wagon with baby and the younger ones, picking flowers and looking for insects just to pass the time.

I pictured myself in the wagon being pulled by the children instead of what was reality: large pregnant mommy pulling three little ones! Minutes always seem like half-hours when waiting.

Just seeing his car come down the road...

And then his also exhausted face, from his full days work...

Looking for me out his car window - it rejuvenates me every time. We fall into each others arms.

Pause, reality check here ~ I don't exactly "fall" right now - I somehow lean and keep trying to lean, only finding that baby girl in my tummy is holding me back from actually falling into him like I dream of... in a few weeks, Lord willing, the "falling" shall be easier? And a little more of a reality.

I am thankful to the Lord for being able to be a mother. I do not take this for granted whatsoever.

It didn't start out all a bed of roses for me, this motherhood title - I married at 19, got pregnant within 4 weeks of our wedding date and two months later went through a horrid miscarriage; in bed for a week - miscarrying slow and constantly throwing up as we lost our first little one.

I had had little sign that I was even expecting - thus, water skiing and cliff jumping were some of my activities in the weeks I was unknowingly pregnant... before our first was no longer there. I had some blaming of myself to work through the following weeks - and finding my refuge and comfort in Christ in an all new way was what God had for me through this tragedy.

That, as well as my heart being turned towards the calling of motherhood, and a desire to have a child like never before. I had a doctor tell me to prepare myself for repeated miscarriage if we were to pursue having a family.

I've miscarried two other times. Pregnancy has been very sickly for the first five months, or more, in every single one of my pregnancies. I've been through one pregnancy where we were told it would most likely end in a still birth. (Brighton.) Caedman was born not breathing.

No, the bringing into the world of these precious gifts has not been a walk in the park. On the other hand, what grace we have been shown! And oh how grateful I am for what we have been given! I hear often of such heart wrenching situations with births, with children, and from those who desire to have children and cannot!

My story of motherhood and how it's become one of a wonderful crew to love on of seven, is not as most people would think. I am not one who has believed no birth control, no self-control, aiming for great and mighty numbers, the season of child-bearing from the beginning of marriage to menopause... no this has not been our goal, or belief. I believe the number of children one should have is between each individual couple before the Lord.

I have been asked what I believe on this "issue" of "how many children" or "since the Bible says children are a blessing, do you believe that means we are to have as many blessings as possible?" via this xanga blog nearly weekly.

Questions about "a full quiver?" "How many is in a full quiver?" "Does a full quiver mean we have as many arrows as we can possibly have - no form of birth control, goodbye to any self-control or responsibility?"

Today being Mother's Day, I thought I'd finally answer the messages all at one time.


*(And though my blog has never been about answering questions, sharing opinions, discussion of issues, etc. but about journaling, scrapbooking my photography, and writing what the Lord is walking me in through relationship with Him - I am branching out just this once to save myself some time by addressing the many messages I've received concerning this one issue. I have no desire for debate, argument, and I am not asking what others believe... I am merely answering those of you who have asked what I believe.)


The question about how many children a couple should have can only be answered by each couple accurately understanding their abilities, gifting, health, and God's provision with an attitude of stewardship before God FOR HIS glory.

HIS glory. Motherhood is for His glory. Not mine. It's not for us. It's for Him.

The answer of "how many" can only be answered between the couple and through their fellowship/ relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. Like anything in our lives, we are to go to the Lord, and seek His face and listen to His voice.

A quiver "full" of broken arrows does no good in the heat of the battle. A "full quiver" of arrows never trained to fly or released to fly from the quiver - what is the point? This would be child-bearing for the glory of the parents, not for the glory of God.

Ultimately our goal as a woman in the call to motherhood should always be to glorify God - this is not done in the number of children, be the number great or small, but how we love God, our husband and those children for the glory of God.

As I look back on my first ten years of motherhood I am completely in awe of Jesus Christ. Of His mercy, His wisdom, His miracles, His sustaining power, the many, many answered prayers, and yes, the "unanswered" prayers: where the answer was not what we were asking.

It has been a grand journey.
It has been a thrilling journey. It has been a difficult journey.

It's been a journey not done alone, but thankfully, one walked hand in hand with my man. And also the loving support of some godly people in our lives.

It has been terrifying and delightfully tremendous all at the same time. It is something I would not trade for anything. My heart is so full of thanks to the Lord. Each one of my children is a complete miracle to me - their existence, their lives.

As much as motherhood is one of my callings, I've also found and learned much about how motherhood really does not define me and who I am. It is not my first calling, not even my second. First, my calling is as the bride of Christ, and second - the bride to my husband.

Motherhood doesn't define my spirituality. It doesn't define my relationship with the Lord. It doesn't define who I am in Christ or how He sees me. It doesn't define my importance or security. How many children I have doesn't define me - make me anything better or worse in the eyes of God. Amen! What a horrid thing if it did.

I know wonderful mothers of one child who love the Lord God with all their hearts and souls and love their child and are raising that child for the glory of God. I know mothers of lots of children who do not live this way. And of course vice-versa. Our character as mothers is not defined in how many, but what we do and how we love the ones we have.

I read this wonderful article recently on the subject of child-bearing and my heart could not agree more:

The Bible tells of:
--------~--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The fruit of the ground is a reward and a blessing."

"The fruit of the womb is a reward and a blessing."

If a farmer plants as many seeds as he can without consideration for the ground, the health of the plants, etc.
...and thinks the fruit of the ground should be God's area and we should NOT get involved whatsoever in the number of seeds planted, or the spacing of the seeds, or the size of the garden which he can reasonably and responsibly care for...

...the seeds will produce fruit of course (it is the nature of the creation) and he will have more plants!

However, the ground will suffer, the plants will not be healthy (because there are not enough nutrients in the soil to supply that many plants), and the plants will ultimately be neglected since there are more plants than the farmer has time to weed, prune, fertilize, and care for.

Likewise...

If a man plants as many seeds in the womb without consideration for his wife's body (the ground), the health, training, discipling, educating, providing, and loving of the children, etc. and thinks the womb should be God's area and he and his wife (the farmers) should not get involved in the consideration of the number of seeds planted, or the spacing of the plants (children), or the size of the garden (family) which they can reasonably care for, the seeds will produce fruit (children--it is the nature of the creation)...

...they will have more children.

However, the wife's body will suffer as well as her emotional state, the children will not be healthy (because there is not enough emotional, spiritual, and physical nutrients in the parents to supply that many plants/children), and the children will ultimately be neglected to some degree since there are more children than the couple have time, energy, and resources to weed (rebuke), prune (discipline), fertilize (teach, train, disciple), and care for (love and meet their emotional needs).

The farmer is responsible before God to be a good steward of his land and the fruit of the land.

The husband and wife are responsible before God to be a good steward of the womb and the fruit of the womb.

They are responsible in God's Word to provide for them, bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, keep their hearts turned to each of them, and provide a rich example of the love of Christ for the church as the children observe their love for each other and how they relate to each other.

Therefore, since we want to walk in a manner worthy of Christ and the gospel, we must have the same attitude as He had (emptying ourselves, humbly serving, and willing to lay down our lives for others) and to think about the interests of others (our wives/husbands first, and then the other children) more than our own interests (reputation or self-esteem or own desires).

Parents should remember, having children is not about them, it's about Christ. And if all of life is about Christ, then it is about others. So the question about how many children should a couple have can only be answered by each couple accurately understanding their abilities, gifting, health, and God's provision with an attitude of stewardship before God for His glory.

One farmer may have planted 10,000 seeds in his plot and there stands 10,000 stunted corn plants because the farmer did not accurately assess what the ground could supply and he care for.

Another farmer may have planted 1000 seeds in his plot and there stands 1000 healthy, fruitful corn plants because the farmer did accurately assess what the ground could supply and he care for.

Which farmer brings more glory to God in his stewardship?

One husband plants as many seeds as he feels like and his wife allows in her womb and there stands # of children (the number is not important) emotionally, spiritually, physically, neglected children because the couple did not accurately assess what they could reasonably care for.

One husband plants seeds wisely and lovingly guided by the Holy Spirit in the womb of his wife and there stands # of children (the number is not important) emotionally, spiritually, physically healthy children because the couple did accurately assess what they could reasonably care for with the Lord's fulness and strength.

Which couple brings more glory to God in their stewardship?

One couple may not pray or seek the Lord in his (their) stewardship because the law (what is being taught by some as God's law) is "have as many children as God wants you to have". On the other hand, another may have their children conceived and birthed out of faith in fellowship and prayer with Jesus Christ. They may have 1 child after many attempts or they may have 10, but they come together freely and with excitement because they are living by the Spirit, in fellowship with God, and with His attitude for His glory.

So the most important consideration isn't how large the family is, but are they walking by faith, in love with God, living with the attitude of Christ for His glory..."
------~------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple can have only a few (or no children) out of a heart of selfishness, AND a couple can have many children out of a heart of selfishness. God isn't looking at numbers, or lack there of, He is looking at our hearts. He is looking to see His name glorified, whether it be a couple is led to have 2, 4, or 8, etc. He is desiring us to follow His leading to be good stewards and to be responsible to raise our children for Him and with a heart to love Him and others.

This article is a great encouragement to me - one, because I believe that the fruit of the womb is a reward/blessing from the Lord - yet at the same time, we as a couple are called to be responsible before Him, to seek Him, to fellowship with Him, to ask His will (as a couple) in regards to the size of our family and to live by the Holy Spirit and not out of law.

We are to love God and love others and walk this out in all areas of our life. One thing that constantly motivates me in my motherhood calling is to be a good steward of the children I have. Whether that number is 2 for some, or more for some, we have a calling as parents - in God's Word - to provide for them, bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, keep our hearts turned to each of them, and provide a rich example of the love of Christ for the church through our marriage.

This can ONLY be done out of a relationship with Jesus... a living, daily relationship with Jesus Christ that is the real deal.

Motherhood is a calling that cannot be achieved for His glory without first acknowledging that it cannot be done without HIM!

Oh! as the each day passes I realize this more and more and more! How helpless I am in being a good steward of these six blessings and bringing them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, keeping my heart turned towards them, being an example of the bride of Christ through my relationship with Robert - unless I am intimate with my Savior.

Drinking at the river so to speak - feasting at His table.

So this evening of Mother's Day, I was thinking of all those mothers who have written me with their questions on motherhood and number of children and the why and what of their own beliefs... some carrying a burden that they are not glorifying God unless they populate their family with more children yet burdened because they cannot love the ones they have nor have any time for their husbands... some asking how I can find it biblical to deliberately use nursing as a form of "birth control" for the spacing of children in our family.

I don't have all the answers. No where even near. I am not experienced at motherhood! I am but on a journey and at the beginning of it at that! But I do know that all things go back to Jesus Christ and our relationship with Him. And that our purpose for living on this earth is to glorify Him - to love Him and to love others.

And that the Holy Spirit is our Helper, Guide. And that as His children, He can and will lead us as we go to Him in prayer. I also know that we are not all cookie-cutters, thank goodness. And His plan for one is not His plan for others.

Elizabeth Elliott, mother of one daughter, is a woman who has impacted my life. When I was a mother of three little boys in a one bedroom house, I would tune in daily to her radio program and listen to her teach the Word of God to women all over the nation and world.

I would sit on my kitchen floor, block the kitchen doorway and give the little boys kitchen things to play with and books to look at and drink in her wisdom, her living relationship with Jesus Christ.

I remember one afternoon as I sat there listening, she was talking about motherhood. I don't remember word for word but I will never forget the summation of her words. It was that motherhood was to be for the glory of God - not our glory, not our satisfaction or significance, not for our pride or for our pat on the back of all the "selfless" things we might do all day and all night year after year... not for some reward or blessing.

But for the GLORY OF OUR GOD.

Tears streamed down my face, and not just out of feeling tired after a busy morning with three boys under three. It was like it hit me in the face, her words. It was like God opening my eyes to how here I was "selflessly serving" by being a mother, only to really see that I was doing it with a selfish heart for my own glory.

It had been pretty much all about me. My strength. My name. My calling. My goodness.

I was convicted and changed and challenged by this woman who "just" was a mother of one. And way more than just that time have I been drawn closer in my relationship with the Lord and set back on the right track by her words of wisdom and challenges from Scripture.

She was hugely instrumental in my early days of motherhood. In those long and seemingly lonely days at home all day without a car in that little tiny place with three little boys, her words (God's Word) drove away the loneliness and filled my heart with abandonment to mother for the glory of God.

And I believe that's the answer to the messages/comments I've received asking about number of children, "Is it God's area, or our area?", is motherhood really for all women?, etc. Those of you who don't feel or see it possible to mother after the sorrowful experiences you received from your own mother. There's not a 1.2.3 - a copy of what God led someone else to do about children and paste it into our own lives. It's just not a copy and paste sort of thing.

He didn't do that throughout Scripture, throughout history - some of the great men/women of faith had none, one, others had more. Their spirituality, their usefulness, their devotion to God was not measured by the number of children they had.

(Check our George Mueller's life - father of few of his own, spiritual father to many!)


Will we have more children?

It is a God area and our area together as a couple - it's a He/we together thing. And as we go to Him as a couple, as children of God - we can go in confidence and with peace, that He will show us as a couple... He will guide us, as we seek to glorify Him alone and as we ask Him and wait on Him to answer - and as we look at being good stewards, good "farmers" as you will, in taking into consideration and in prayer health, responsibility, our own marriage relationship, our giftings, abilities, personalities, and the loving and training and meeting of the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of the children we already have.

So that's my answer."


- Excerpt from Resolved to Worship