Who We Are:

We are women, we are wives, we are mothers, and we are open to life. This is our way of standing by one another, learning from each other, and leaning on Christ our Savior.

Sep 7, 2011

What have you DONE...

For your Marriage today?

I think Fulton Sheen nailed it when he said marriage goes through three stages: the blissful honeymoon moment, followed by a “crisis” moment that leads to a deeper and more satisfying intimacy.

Lately I've read two Catholic magazines that have asked this question, "What have you done for your marriage today?" Isn't that a refreshing change other than the same old grocery isle headings "New positions to make him crazy for you." or "Fives signs he's cheating."  Well let's chuck it up for Lucky, Vogue, Ladies Home Journal, Glamour, and all the bubble gum prints out there who are providing America with marriage failure techniques 

Last week, I found out a friend's marriage is in crisis because of marital infidelity. It struck my heart, I couldn't sleep that night because it troubled me deeply. Something like that effects so many people, not just the couple, but the whole church and society suffer with them.

Marriage truly takes so much work. I feel like I can't really give any advice - because I haven't been married that long. I look to my parents who celebrated 30 years in July and my grandparents who celebrated 72 YEARS two weeks ago. (Holy cow that's a long time.) Both of those marriages and many others I've seen seem to have much in common: They work on their marriages with as much passion as our work outs and as much  careful planning and investing as our bank accounts.

Truly, it is our life's greatest work, apart from working on our souls, and because we are held accountable for getting our spouses to Heaven.

The Helps...
I've been gathering and collecting some marriage resources as I've come across them:

1.  "40 Day Challenge"
During Lent, the Extrodinary Moms Network got facebook fans to join the "40 Day Challenge" It is a compelling project for spouses based on scripture and writings of the late Fulton Sheen. AWESOME!!

2. "Love Dare" Something similar from the somewhat cheesy but good message movie, Fire Proof. 

3. So I was in the dark that the U.S. Conference of Bishops made strengthening marriage a top priority for 2008-2011. I'm a little late in getting in on the memo, but there have been some great helps out there, one being this website: http://www.foryourmarriage.org/ 

4. Lastly, some small print publications have had some great articles on marriage as well. This is from LeCristo ,  with poignant and practical advice for marriage:

"...the work of dedicating time to Christ is no small task. On all sides intrudes the din of electronic gadgetry, leaving folks voice-mailed, text messaged and tweeted to numbness. No wonder so many people find it hard to have an interior life of prayer and reflection. Without the ability to be alone with one's thoughts, it is harder to lift one's mind to God during the course of a day. This presents a danger. For 'where people no longer perceive God.' Benedict XVI said in his Letter to Seminarians last year, 'life grows empty; nothing is ever enough.'

Imagine how much harder it is for spouses to find time for silence and for each other. The daily demands of supporting their families and maintaining a household could tax the stamina of a Navy SEAL. All the more reason why spouses need to disconnect from the world and spend quiet time together. And couples shouldn't feel guilty about making time for themselves. Ideally , not even children should claim all of their parents' time, to the point were mom and dad no longer have time for each other.

One of the most important witnesses that married people give to their children and to the world is precisely their dedication to each other. (Wise is the adage, by the way, that says the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."

The union between spouses also has a profound theological value. Marriage witnesses to the relationship of Christ and his bride the Church. With good reason St. Paul exhorts husbands to "love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her" (Ephesians 5:25). The Apostle presses the point a few verses later when he writes that 'the two shall become one flesh. This is the great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the Chruch' (vv 31-32).

We are used to thinking of religious and consecrated people and priests as a special witnesses to Christ. But married people too share this role, through the day-to-day unity they live.  Their witness helps to lift everyone around them. They can make their love incarnate, as it were, not only through their children but through the devotion and time they lavish on each other.

Strong marriages help to keep the awareness of God present in societies. Spouses can do their part by simply spending time with each other. It takes effort, but it is doable. It means turning off the TV and the cell phone and the computer and going a walk together. It means making time for a "date night" away from the kids. It means drawing the line on meddling in-laws. It means, in short, no feeling guilty about wasting time together.

Time has a way of standing still when two people in love spend time together. It is that suspension of time, so to speak, that gives the rest of us a glimpse into what eternity is like. and what it will be like to spend eternity with the God of love."  - Fr. Edward McIImail, LC

Simple, practical, and always good to hear! What are some things that you do with your spouse to "work" on your marriage?


  1. Beautiful article! I think everyone needs to read this because society focuses so much on "me" instead of the self-sacrificial love that we are called to.

  2. Love this post! Ugh, so sick of those articles in magazines...EVERY magazine. Woman are constantly searching for an answer to make their marriages better, but are so clueless. I hope we can reach out to them with things like this blog, Maria. Thank you for this blog. Definitely going to check out these links!

  3. This is a fantastic post! Wow. A couple things my husband and I have done since the beginning (a bit without realizing it)....

    We go to bed TOGETHER. Very rarely do we go to bed separately. Even if one of us isn't quite ready to go to bed, we go to bed together. OR we stay up and help the other finish whatever it is that needs to get done.

    We wake up TOGETHER. My husband works swing shifts so he either gets up super early (4:30am and leaves by 5:20) to start his day or he gets home early morning (6:30am)to finish his day. I get up every morning to have coffee with him and send him off. I know he greatly appreciates this and a lot of times it is the sweetest silence of those early morning coffee times that are the best. Of course, after he leaves I go back to bed. ;-)

    We can't always get away for a date night. And life with 3 kids on a farm is crazy busy. So it is the nights and early mornings that seem to be what we treasure. Even in the "crisis" times, the rocky times, and the bland times. It works for us.

    Thanks again Maria.

  4. Wow, this has so many good reflecting points! Thank you Maria. I always get such a great boost from your posts!


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